I was speaking with the amazing Anya Downing of Engage Marketing Design (http://engagemarketingdesign.com/) last week and we were looking over my website. Among other things, she wondered about my portrait on my Info page, commenting that it was not my usual style. Well, I told her, my son took it. Considering the subject with whom he had to work, it's a great photo, as are others from the shoot. But she was right, the photo is his style, and although he is not (yet) a studio shooter, he creates exceptional photos in his own style.

I began thinking about whether I wanted to address this self-portrait issue. I do tend to internalize most anything that is said to me and about me from someone whose opinion I value, so off I went.

Self-portraits, as most anyone will tell you, can be difficult. I find my self-portrait subject to be generally uncooperative, and I have some difficulty having him not "pose". I've tried different things...

Western Avenue Studios, Lowell, Massachusetts - 2007

Westford, Massachusetts - 2007

After using this shot (above) for a while, I did a semi-environmental portrait, in my living room (right). But after a while, my son informed me that this was not up to my usual standards. I am paraphrasing ;-)

Then there was the shot below that I created for a group art show in Lowell. I think I would call this a self-portraits [sic].

Western Avenue Studios, Lowell, Massachusetts - 2009

Or there is always the action shot...

Western Avenue Studios, Lowell, Massachusetts - 2010

So yesterday, I needed to do a shot of my studio for another purpose, and I decided to put myself into the scene...

Western Avenue Studios, Lowell, Massachusetts - 2010
Whatever.

Ok. So what would I do for some other middle-aged guy who wears jeans and has no delusions about looking anything like George Clooney... Simple. I'd go with dramatic lighting, black background, no props, no chair, little to no retouch.

If you're like me, you enjoy the times when things are happening; those times when things are getting done and when you are creating things. But if you are really like me, you also have a tendency to look ahead to the quiet times that follow the storm. A little of this is OK, but I think being creative and productive, and interesting to others requires us to be in a constant state of agitation. We need to be thinking of what to do next, how to create, how to do something better than the last thing that we did, and how to continuously reinvent ourselves. That restlessness is what drives the creative process.

It's a little like brewing beer. Huh? Well, when beer is brewed, the wort (pronounced like dirt), which is the mixture of grains, hops and water, is inactive until the yeast is "pitched" into it. Soon after this happens, the wort becomes very active and "agitated". My analogy is about to breakdown here because the Lowell City Councilor Franky Descoteauxcreative process doesn't involve turning sugar into alcohol, but never mind :-)  My point is, the introduction of that yeast causes some pretty violent agitation which, in turn, results in the creation of beer. Very productive indeed! Without the introduction of that yeast, no beer will result. In fact, the inactive wort will turn into something very nasty after a few days.

OK, so my analogy is a little out there, but I can feel the pulls in my own life that cause me to be creative and productive, or not. We all have times when we are doing things that we don't want to do and wish them to be done with. But don't wish away the good stuff. And don't avoid the chaos. Put yourself into challenging positions and places. It really took me a long time to get the confidence to ask people if they would pose for me, for no other reason than that I wanted to create a portrait of them. People almost never refuse. People are not going to come to you to create something for them until you create a body of work that demonstrates your ability to do so. You craft that by putting yourself out there, by challenging yourself, by getting restless, by thinking about the next thing to create. As tempting as it can be to be complacent and satisfied with your work to this point, don't. Pitch that yeast.

Everyone has it to some degree. Some people claim to never have it, while for others, it can be debilitating. But nervousness is often a very important participant in a photo shoot, for good or bad. Photo shoot subjects, unless they are professional actors or models, can come to a shoot bringing a suitcase for of nervousness; baggage in both senses of the word. People generally bring their nervousness to a shoot because they are unsure of what will happen, often feeling as though they will be responsible for knowing what to do.

As I have mentioned on a couple of occasions, I was a musician in a former life, and so thinking about nervousness has always been a part of my life. When you perform, whether it be musically, verbally, or some other way, you might have feelings of doubts or inadequacy, which manifest themselves as nervousness. I know that when I performed, especially when classical music was involved, I brought along with me the years of music teachers who had criticized my "sound" and technique. I still have the New Hampshire "All State" evaluation form from one of my auditions in high school which labeled my tone as "harsh". Yum! So in my typically defiant way, I went on to study the trumpet at Berklee, always putting myself into situations where my sound was of primary importance, eventually developing it to the point where it was the best aspect of my playing. But if you aren't aware of it, when you stand in front of an audience to perform, those old criticisms can come swirling back. Never mind that your audience has no idea that you have brought such baggage.

Getting back to the subject in a photo shoot though, it is often the case that the nervous person that arrives at your studio or location to be photographed has brought years of such baggage, but in this case, about themselves; their appearance, their behavior, etc.  The absolute worst thing that a photographer can do is to have his or her own baggage on display as well. Your subject has to feel that you are in charge of the situation. You need to make the person feel that they will be told, every step of the way, what to do, where to stand or sit, how to do so, etc., and that you will be sensitive to their discomfort and will be certain to alleviate it.

That being said, there is a certain kind of nervousness that is good for the photographer to have. It's really important to leave the destructive, baggage kind of the nervousness at home. It won't help you, the photographer, or your subject to feel as though you are in control and know what you are doing. It will signal to your subject that their own feelings of nervousness are validated. When I doubt myself, I use the recommendation of the excellent photographer, Zack Arias, that you just need to show up at every shoot as though you are shooting for Rolling Stone or some similar gig. As I said, I used to get really nervous as a musician, when performing classical music because of my feelings of unworthiness, but I found it helpful to step out of myself and imagine that I was Maurice Andre. I think that experience has helped me a great deal as a photographer to do likewise. It's really important to realize that there is a positive kind of nervousness though that need not adversely affect your abilities to shoot well, nor the ability of your subject to be themselves, but will, in fact, enhance your performance. That "edge", which I always feel before a shoot, and don't suppress, helps me think in that same out-of-body way. Rather than getting bogged down in what to do and how to do it, I start to think as I imagine Arnold Newman, Richard Avedon, or even Joe McNally would be thinking in that same situation. The difference that I can see in the faces and the demeanor of clients when I calmly control the situation on a shoot is pretty amazing. If you are a photographer, use this edge! If you are looking for a photographer, I would urge you to find one who has it.